Tuesday, 12 February 2019

We, the Women




The current surge of "feminism" in film fraternity across the world has put everyone in a sticky situation. The women activist are stronger and vocal more than ever but does that mean things are changing drastically? Writing anything critical about this sensitive issue calls for a lot of backlash but as a women I feel obliged to put across my point, after all isn't that what we are fighting for?

To begin with, when it comes to "feminism" most men don't care much. Broadly speaking they can be categorized into two sections -


  • Neutral - These are the guys who grew up with family where women were respected in general and hence overall they have a healthy relationship towards them. They even encourage women to share the financial responsibilities, don't interfere in their day-to-day activities and are overall supportive. Of course, family to family the degree of what's acceptable as a woman varies. As long as woman is not trying to overpower them or cause any discomfort to them they are tolerant towards the changing phase of modern woman. They are rarely violent and until unless a female member of their own family is threatened they will choose to be a silent spectator when it comes to others. They find it difficult to understand what the whole fuss is about, mostly because they can't empathize with their situation. Majority come under this category. 

  • Against - These are the bad apples due to genetic default or negative upbringing. I can spend a lifetime trying to understand why they hate women, have zero respect, looks at them only as a sex toy, feel extremely threatened by their well being. But I don't want to waste my time. The fact remains they have gone bad and there is no redemption for them. No matter how unrelated the problem is, their response is sexual violence. For example during partition or Gujarat riots, the most common act of violence was gang rapes. How the hell is partition or religious riots connected to rape??  It's not. It's just an excuse to do what they always want to do. The moment there is a legal chaos, or these men think they won't be caught they jump at the first opportunity to exploit women. They also feel safer to hunt in packs like wolves. I find that the mere imprisonment is hardly a punishment for such inhuman acts. True justice would be if they were forced to go through the same trauma. These guys cannot be "changed". They don't want to be changed.


* Pro - I have not included those men who are extremely supportive of women welfare since they constitute an extremely small percentage. 

It's important that we understand the underlying foundation of our society before fighting for the cause.

First of all I despise the concept of "asking" or "demanding" for equality. Yes, as far as legal front is concerned we have to do it, but in most of the countries nowadays  legally everything looks perfect. In the eyes of law everyone is equal. Since that's established, asking someone for respect or equality contradicts the entire concept of equality! When you ask someone for power, you are accepting that you are not as powerful as the person you are approaching. I know it sounds very psychological and that in real, practical sense we need to do what we must. But I feel that this issue cannot be resolved superficially by just enforcing men to agree on something. We need to understand why we are facing this problem to begin with.

I hate to say it but we as women are definitely at fault to some extent to let this charade last as long as it has. A community gets abused when people within starts betraying their own people. That's exactly how under 200,000 Britishers able to rule over 300 million Indians. Because someone somewhere betrayed their people for money or other reasons.

Similarly, I feel as women we can be extremely harsh and unsupportive towards our own kind. For example even for something as frivolous as fashion, we are extremely judgemental and critical. We blame the humongous amount of money/effort/time spent on makeup or clothing on the expectation by men but that's not entirely true. Most men can't even differentiate between colors so forget about other subtle observation on fashion. It's other women who are going to notice or judge. My intention is not to bring down women who like dressing up. On the contrary I want us to accept that we dress up because we want to. We should stop victimizing ourselves.

Once we start realizing that we do things for ourselves and start taking ownership for our choices, we will stop looking for the approval from men. As women, we don't have to support each other for every cause. Survival of the fittest works on every level, we are going to compete among ourselves but let's not blindly pull each other down for something as petty as jealousy. Our survival depends on the mutual support. If every mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague chooses not to remain a silent spectator if they see some injustice, it's impossible that we continue to get oppressed, after all we constitute half the population!

I don't want to prove any man that I am better than him or equal to him. I am indifferent to what he thinks. But I am deeply offended when a woman accepts that she is not capable enough, to not only survive but thrive on her own. Our fight is not with men, they are not our enemy. They like any third party would do what's for their benefit if given an opportunity, that's our basic self-centered human nature regardless of gender. Our real fight is with those women who provide them with such an opportunity, those women who still doubt themselves, who trust man to make the right decisions for her, who think they are weaker than men. It's important to realize that man cannot and will not save the woman, we have to do that ourselves!