Saturday, 29 September 2018

In Pursuit of Love

I am fascinated by love. I have spent a great deal of my time researching on it. As a young girl I wanted to know if all that's being said and all the fuss being made is actually true. I often found adults say, "these things happens only in movies and story books!". But that made me question how in the world did these people get such ideas to begin with? It can't all be a lie..there must be some truth in this supposedly fictional notion called "love".

As I plunged forward on a leap of faith, on a quest to find love, I came across more than what I had bargained for. I met some amazing people who like me where on their own quest. I wouldn't say that my journey is over, as long as  I am alive am sure I will want to explore love, but that said I would like to share few things I have come to realize.

Love is the most underrated and overrated emotion in the world. It may sound contradictory but that's exactly what love does, it creates scenarios which makes no sense. There is no logic or rationality involved. There is no right or wrong when it comes to love. It is what it is. That doesn't mean people can't choose to make rational decisions, but on it's own love defies logic.

Each of us share a unique relationship with every other person in our lives and none of them are replaceable. Suppose you have a friend, which means you share a certain companionship and share some experiences together. Now even if you drift away and you find a new friend, you will never have the exact same relationship as you did with your old friend. I don't mean it will be better or worse, or even similar for that matter, but never the same.

Similarly the concept of one soulmate is little difficult for me to comprehend. I do believe you meet people who are connected to you in much deeper level and maybe if you are lucky you will meet them. I read somewhere that "a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything you have been holding back, the person who brings you to your attention so that you can change your life". There is something beautiful about this idea, because this means that you don't have to worry yourself to death thinking "what if I don't marry my soulmate?". You are not bound to spend your entire life with them. This means your soulmate could be your spouse or could be someone you took a bus ride with! It makes you appreciate each and every moment you share with a person.

Another thing which I have come to appreciate is innocence. I don't think you can ever love the way you loved when you are a teenager or that innocent age when you are untainted by life. There are many advantages of growing old, you are much more wise and experienced, you become practical and mature. But in all that maturity you lose innocence. As a grown up you can never be as free in love as you are as a teenager. You can never really stop using brains knowing all that you know from experience and world around you. So I think one shouldn't miss out in love at that age, even if it is unrequited or ends in heartbreak.

I often ask people about their experience with love and till now I have found something unique in even the most simple love story. I have come to realize that you never really stop loving someone you had loved once. But sometimes the moment passes by and like two ships sailing across the ocean in different directions, they drift apart. I think denying it confuses heart and more you try to convince yourself otherwise, more troubled you feel. But once you come to accept the truth, you will feel at ease and open yourself to move ahead in life.

I have often been asked by my young cousins how do you know when you are in love? Does it really give you butterflies in the stomach feeling? Does it really makes you light headed when you kiss someone? And I have often found people laugh and say " Not in real life". But that's not entirely true. It is perfectly possible to feel all of the above in love, and it's absolutely possible to be in love and not feel any of the above. Love could be like a tornado, exceedingly overwhelming and scrumptiously overpowering, or it could be like a mild breeze on a damp summer evening. It doesn't mean one is better or more powerful than the other. Difference lies in what an individual wants and expects from love.

Even after spending a decade exploring the meaning of love, I am sure I still have lot to learn. But what I have understood is that it is indeed a gift, like sunlight it doesn't show any prejudice. Just being rich or beautiful doesn't qualify you to be loved, on the other hand most ordinary person may be extraordinary in someone else's eyes.

I think often think that because of our preconceived notion we can't recognize love even when it's right in front of us. Never compare your love life with others and feel unsatisfied, because you never really know their entire story. You don't know what they had to go through to reach where they are or what would happen to them in future. All you see is a glimpse of their life and you can't judge by it. If instead you try to focus on your own story you would realize how it is as unique and adventurous in it's own way.

And for those who have given up on love, be careful, it has a habit of coming at the most unexpected times, so keep your mind and heart open :)

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