Thursday, 22 September 2016

How Being Selfish Changed My Life !

I remember as a kid, when I was asked what do you want to be I always said "Happy!". And now, even after all these years, that's exactly what I want. It may sound a bit silly and unambitious but I want you to think about it for a while. Everything we do and work for is basically to be in a state of "happiness". But usually this happy phase is very elusive and doesn't last long. I was told that being a good person and doing selfless act gives immense satisfaction to oneself. So I tried it and it did make me happy (initially) but it was really tiresome to be nice! And all that selfless act didn't really work out because no matter how hard I tried, I was always disappointed by people. And that's when it struck me - being selfish is our true nature! Once you become aware of this tiny fact, everything changes!

You see, when I say selfish I don't mean being rude or mean person. It's just that we love ourself the most and our actions are driven by our own interest in mind. Let me give you an example, when I do anything for my husband it is because "I" love him. You would have noticed that when you love someone, you care about their interests and you do anything to keep them happy. So by keeping your loved ones happy you are just keeping yourself happy! In fact, the whole term "listen to your heart" is a way to tell "keep yourself happy" which if you really think about it is pretty selfish in nature.

Once you realize that, at the end of the day whatever you did is for yourself, you don't get disappointed. Selflessness and selfishness are just two sides of a coin. Classic example is unrequited love, where you continue to love someone knowing you won't be loved, why? Because your heart won't have it any other way, you do what you want regardless of anyone else.

Often the cause of our sadness is chores we have to do against our wish, or so it may look to you. For example, all you want to do is sleep but there is a family gathering and you are "forced" to attend. Truth is no one has forced you to do anything, yes if you don't go your family will be upset and THAT bothers YOU! So you are going because you don't want to be upset over the issue. Most of us are brought up with some moral values and social norms, breaking which causes us discomfort and often when we complain about being forced to do things, it is this discomfort we cause ourselves which we are worried about.

Now let me warn you, my next point may offend some and truth be told, i'm not very comfortable talking about it too. But alas! sometimes harsh things needs to be discussed. Why do you think we mourn when someone close to us die? For the deceased? of course, we regret the life they are going to miss out. But I think we mourn for ourselves more than anything else. We feel sad because we miss the gone, and the life WE have to live without them.

I think what we should desire is not selflessness, on the contrary if we love and care more, unconsciously we would make sure it is in safe state. Half the problems in the world are unresolved because no one cares about it.

So next time, when you have to wait for someone an hour, don't get angry but remember that it was YOU who choose to wait for whatever reason (maybe you love them too much or you genuinely believed they had a reason). But at the end, it was your will and no one else. Happiness doesn't always come from fancy things, sometimes it comes from subtle moments. Like knowing that you are not forgotten, that you are loved and cared for, if not by others but by yourself.

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